Two of these Jim Riggleman quotes are real, and one was made up by the Onion. Can you tell which is which? A: "I'm astonished to tell you the truth when I look up and I see [Jose] Vidro's average is what it is, because I feel like every time he goes up there I'm very confident that he's going to give us a good at-bat...And for the at-bats that he has, he's knocked in......

Red Sox Nation has left Seattle, taking with it their brand new hats and cheers of "Manny, I fawkin' love you, now hit a homah' you fawkin' queeah [Throws up on self. Passes out.]." And that was Doris Kearns Goodwin. Hate them or really hate them, they are on top of the sports world and enjoying every minute of it. However, what is it like when Mariner Nation invades some poor sucker's home field? Seattlest......

Gorgeous Mariners photo courtesy of Seattlest Flickr contributor Kyle Johnson When you think about it, a Major League ballgame must be a nightmare for folks who are super allergic to peanuts. Peanut allergies can be some of the most severe, where simply coming into contact with the shells can trigger a fatal reaction. Even if you choose not to get a bag, the shells and remnants are everywhere at a ballgame. And, considering the Mariners'......

Our Mariners begin the second half of the 2008 season hoping to avoid the history books. No team in history has lost 100 games in a season while fielding a team with a payroll over $100 million. (For that kind of cash, we could buy TWO hoops teams.) The highlight of the season thus far (as Seattlest David reminds us) is that no one has been run-over by a train outside the stadium. And when......

WFAN-AM in New York is reporting that former Mariner first baseman Richie Sexson has been signed by the New York Yankees. Since Sexson cleared waivers after his release last week, the Mariners will be responsible for the majority of his Yankee salary for the remainder of the year. So not only do the Mariners overpay their own underperforming players, they are now paying for guys to sit on the Yankees' bench. Makes sense to us.......

ART FORUM: Art critic Rachel Kushner has written a novel, Telex From Cuba. It starts out like a painting, which only makes sense, considering. You can read the first chapter, or just head to Elliott Bay tonight and let her read it to you. 7:30 p.m. // Elliott Bay Books // Free YOU'RE SUCH A TEASE: Wanna get your burlesque on, but don't know how to get started? Join the Open Tease tonight at the......

The Seattle Mariners have released well-paid but weak-hitting first baseman Richie Sexson. This season, Sexson hit only .218 and had 11 homers. With a 2008 salary of $15.5 million, that's a cool $1.4 million per dinger. Sexson's roster spot has been filled by Tacoma infielder (and new Seattlest favorite) Tug Hulett.......

On Saturday the Mariners blew a ninth inning lead to lose to the Atlanta Braves in Atlanta. The loss was disappointing to many, but shocking to few; the team with the worst record in baseball often finds ways to lose games in the ninth. On Saturday Seattlest drove south (not 35 hours south) to watch a baseball game and the team we watched also lost, 4-2. We drove forty-five minutes down I-5 to see......

Photo courtesy of Seattlest flickr pool contributor slightlynorth. After watching the M's go 2-9 in the past week and a half, King Felix has apparently decided to take matters into his own hands, becoming the first AL pitcher to hit a grand slam in three decades. While Seattlest hoped this was a divine omen of better weeks ahead for the team, our hopes were almost immediately dashed. Hernandez had to leave the game after......

First, hitting coach Jeff Pentland was fired, then General Manager Bill Bavasi was shown the door, and yesterday it was John McLaren's turn to up the state's unemployment rate. All casualties of the worst record in baseball. Since Lou Piniella got frustrated with the front office and left following the 2002 season, President Chuck Armstrong and CEO Howard Lincoln have hired a series of "yes men" which they could control. This is what they get.......

The Seattle Times is reporting that Mariner Manager John McLaren has been fired and replaced with bench coach Jim Riggleman. McLaren was named manager following Mike Hargrove's resignation last July. Riggleman becomes the fourth manager since Lou Piniella left after the 2002 season. Richie Sexson still has a job.......

KING 5 and the AP are reporting the M's have fired much-debated General Manager Bill Bavasi. Apparently, the booing worked. Bavasi has been replaced by Lee Pelekoudas, who will be acting on an interim basis, while a GM search is conducted. Under Bavasi this season, the Mariners were the worst team in baseball with a 24-45 record. Last weekend, the M's were swept at home by the second-worst team in the majors, the Washington......

Our beloved boys of summer (?) return to the friendly confines of RoBro after a 3-3 road trip to Boston and Toronto, cementing them firmly in last place in the AL West—16.5 games behind the Angels. It was a busy week for the M's, one which featured a star pitcher's arm falling off, while King Felix threw two gems, yielding only one unearned run in 14 innings pitched. The team was busy off the......

Last night the clouds parted and for a moment the sun shone down on Seattle as Ken Griffey Jr. became the sixth player in baseball history to hit home run number 600. The historic home run came off of Mt. Vernon's Mark Hendrickson, who as a Northwesterner of a certain age, grew up idolizing and cheering Junior on from the Kingdome bleachers (unless he spent his formative years writing love letters to the Taliban......

Safeco Field is a family park. Lesbian kissing, "Yankees Suck" shirts, and winning streaks are all frowned upon. Two smooching ladies found out the hard way last week when security asked them to stop kissing after someone complained. The increasingly demoralized Mariners fanbase isn’t exactly killing itself to buy into the Death Spiral that is the seventh straight year without a post-season appearance. Maybe singling out gay fans doesn't seem to be the greatest......

"We're playing our (BODY PART) off every day and got nothing to show for it. I'm tired of (VERB ENDING IN -ING) losing, I'm tired of getting my (NOUN) beat, and so have those guys. We gotta change this (NOUN) around and get after it. And only we can do it. The fans are (ADJECTIVE) off, and I'm (ADJECTIVE) off and the players are (ADJECTIVE FOR USELESS) off. And that's the way it is...I'm tired......

After yet another Mariners loss—and the final game of a three-game sweep by the Angels—manager John McLaren finally had a bit of a meltdown in his news conference yesterday: We're playing our (bleep) off every day and got nothing to show for it. I'm tired of (bleeping) losing, I'm tired of getting my (bleep) beat, and so have those guys. We gotta change this (bleeping bleep) around and get after it. And only we......

With news that long time Seattle Art Museum director Mimi Gates is retiring next year, we are hoping that the Mariners will fire current General Manager Bill Bavasi and hire Gates as his replacement. SAM Under Mimi Gates: Greatly renovated and expanded the downtown museum. Opened the Olympic Sculpture Park. Oversaw the acquisition of over one billion dollars in donated art. Bill Bavasi's Mariner Resume: Turned a team averaging 98 wins (2000-2003) into a......

There are quite a few things going on for the gays today, this week, and for the next month or so. First of all, there ain't gonna be any Pride on Broadway this year. For the first time since the year of this Seattlest's birth, there will be no Pride on Broadway. After the big gay mess of last year's debacle, the powers that be have opted to just keep it downtown. We dragged......

The Mariners won again last night by the skin of their teeth, shocking a Boston "Nation" whose presence has been hard to ignore throughout the series. The lowly Mariners are inconveniently getting in the way of a mighty "Nation" that strolled into the Emerald City expecting a sweep, and is now left licking its wounds after losing two straight to one of the most embarrassing teams in recent memory. It’s hard to know what......

You can read about last night's Mariners win in Kim's post from earlier, but the highlight was Jose Lopez's single in the bottom half of the 9th to drive in Balentien and end the team's seven-game losing streak. And then the people rejoiced. Well, maybe half of them. If you've ever been to a Red Sox game at Safeco Field, you know how strong of a fan presence they bring into a road game.......

This Seattlest is not the most baseball-crazed tool in the shed, but we had a damn good time at last night's Mariners vs. Red Sox game. It started out with the Mariners up by three, until Manny Ramirez clocked a homer for the Sox and evened out the scoreboard. The tie held fast for the last few innings until Jose Lopez's nailbiting hit straight toward third base—at the bottom of the ninth—drove the winning......

NOT THE YANKEES: The Mariners, bless their hearts for trying, will take on the Red Sox tonight at Safeco Field. We weren't impressed with the one game we already saw this year, but we're willing to cheer on the home team tonight as they take on that East Coast team that's not the Yankees. 7:10 p.m. // Safeco Field // $7-73 BIG, BIG VOICE: British singer/songwriter Adele will be gracing the stage at the Triple......

Not only does Detroit's last place baseball team sweep other last place teams (ours), they also have teams that make the postseason. On Saturday night the Motor City will host two playoffs games. The Red Wings will play the Penguins at 7pm in the Stanley Cup, and the Pistons will play the Celtics in the NBA's Eastern Conference Finals half an hour later The city of Seattle has been home to two playoff games......

Looking for a way to get out and enjoy some beer with the nice weather this weekend? You've probably got it all figured out, but here are a few ideas anyways: University District Street Fair - Saturday and Sunday from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. (6 p.m. Sunday). Nearly 400 craft and food tents to browse, plus live music and other events. The Big Time Brewery beer tent will be the place to be......

Seattlest is no proponent or fan of violence, but we have always enjoyed a good baseball brawl. And the Seattle Mariners, failing at all other parts of what we find enjoyable about the game, decided to throw us a bone--giving us the first bench-clearer of the season. Mariners' first baseman Richie Sexson charged the mound and threw his helmet at Rangers' pitcher Kason Gabbard, after Gabbard threw a high pitch near the 6'7" player's head.......

Should we be worried the Mariners are baseball’s equivalent of the Bush Administration? Fiscally undisciplined with negligible positive returns? Check. Marketed as veteran leadership despite any veterans with leadership experience? Check. Sloppy management reinforced with sloppy execution on the ground? Check. Let’s put it this way: if the 2008 Mariners team photo involves a pyramid and prominently featured genitalia, then we’re calling for a Congressional investigation. In all seriousness, the Mariners are playing sloppy,......

Thanks to a Steve Inskeep aside this morning, Seattlest was reminded that "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" turned 100 in 2008. If our short-term memory serves, Mr. NPR said the song was first sung a century ago today. The Mariners open a series against your favorite team to hate tonight, in their soon-to-be-history stadium, so no seventh-inning Safeco Liberty Mutual stretch for local fans. But, hey, have a beer and sing it......

So far, spring has been colder than the Mariners' bats. We’re not advocating global warming, just a little regional pick-me-up, something to get people dressing sluttier and make outdoor activities appealing. Given the three odd weekends of sun we had last summer coupled with summer ending earlier than usual, it doesn’t take much sun depravation here before folks start getting antsy. The average temperature for April was down from last year. And, given the......

Sports fans around the city are saying goodbye to Shaun Alexander. The former NFL MVP was released by the Seahawks following eight seasons. Now, we may be saying good-bye to Safeco Field. Liberty Mutual’s purchase of Safeco might mean a new name for the city’s baseball stadium. San Francisco’s baseball stadium opened up a few months after Safeco, and was originally named Pac Bell for the phone company Pacific Bell, a few years late......