Life's All Shits and Giggles for Last-Place Mariners

Something tells us that the world-beating, intense Ichiro who disliked his relaxed 2005 clubhouse is going to be none-too-pleased when he finally arrives in Peoria.

Mariners spring camp has morphed into late 70s summer camp, with closer Eddie "Giggles" Guardado as the wacky camp counselor.

In the past few days, Guardado's masterminded lighting Jose Lopez' shoes on fire, showering Kenji Johjima with garbage, and taunting Cuban shortstop Yuniesky Betancourt after his homeland lost the WBC.

Meanwhile, the team's stormed out to a 7-11 spring record, worst of any Cactus League team that didn't win the World Series last year. The Mariners have a little bit more to prove than the White Sox do.

Perhaps Ichiro will pull a Kirk Gibson when he returns. In 1988, new Dodger Gibson objected after a teammate pranked him with eyeblack on his hat before his first spring training game. He stormed off the field, and later told reporters "I can understand why the Dodgers finished fifth the past two seasons. They have their priorities wrong.''

The Dodgers won the World Series that year, despite this execrable lineup. We won't hope for that much, but we think, at least, there's a struggle brewing. It'll make things interesting.