Long intrigued by those screaming TV ads, we finally attended our first monster truck show two days ago (um, SUNDAY!!!) at the Tacoma Dome.

The USHRA Monster Jam began with pairs of colossal five-ton trucks racing around the dirt track until an overall winner emerged: the pimped-out Escalade, with its six-foot tires, neon ground effects, spinning rims and Mohawk-having driver.

Like pro wrestlers, each truck has its own uniquely ridiculous theme. We liked Jurassic Attack (made up to look like a triceratops), but the crowd favorite by far was Grave Digger. The black, hearse-like, skull-covered Digger features sinister red headlights and a Jolly Roger flying off its rear. The kids went nuts whenever Grave Digger motored around, waving their own Jolly Rogers bought from souvenir stands dominated by Grave Digger merchandise.

The Tacoma engagement was just one of eight Monster Jams held simultaneously around the country over the weekend, and there are enough Grave Diggers to appear at each one. Our program listed a bunch of other awesomely named trucks that apparently performed elsewhere: Shocker, Devastator, Eradicator, Raminator, El Matador, El Toro Loco, Del Scorcho, Anger Management, Maximum Destruction, Nitemare Express, Rap Attack, Reptoid, Kaptain Insano, and the lady-driven Madusa [sic]. The original monster truck, Bigfoot, was also MIA, as it has no ties to the USHRA.

Following an intermission was the Jam’s freestyle portion, where each truck was given 90 seconds to tear ass around the arena floor, do wheelies, smash over parked cars, roll upside-down and jump as high as 30 feet in the air. Judges then held up scorecards, as if it were a figure-skating event. Instead of ”Nadia’s Theme," the accompanying music was more like "Welcome to the Jungle.“

Heavy metal was heard throughout the show (along with the emcee’s incessant yelling, like in the TV ads), but it was no match for the insanely loud, engine-generated noise. It wasn’t merely rock-concert loud, but explosive, teeth-shattering, tire-iron-to-the-testicles LOUD. It was only made worse by the wooden dome, which trapped in the three-digit decibels along with near-noxious levels of carbon monoxide.

Of course, we didn’t need this conspicuous combustion (along with the event’s flag-waving overtones) to remind us we’re in the midst of an idiotic war. (Also not lost on us was the odd juxtaposition that in the T-Dome’s Exhibition Hall, right next door to the cacophonous carnage, was the Tacoma Wedding Expo.) For one afternoon though, it was pretty damn cool.

And, yes, even though our $20 ticket bought us a whole seat, we only needed the edddggge.