Last week while driving down Stone Way, hand poised over horn, we were surprised and somewhat dismayed to see that Vern Fonk Insurance had closed shop. However, a quick check at the Fonk site indicated that the office had only moved to a newlocation. As a result, because of Fonk's horn-blowing slogan, we imagine their old neighbors are relieved to have them gone, just as their new neighbors are probably preparing a lawsuit.

In any case, we were amused that the site also had an archive of their TV ads -- you know, the ones airing late at night, with the Anton LaVey-lookalike clowning around, spoofing pop culture, and being a public nuisance.

The wacky pitchman isn't Fonk himself, but Rob Thielke, an insurance agent at one of Fonk's14 Northwest offices. The family-owned business mainly sells car insurance to folks with too many moving violations, crashes, and/or DWIs. Perhaps Thielke targets this demographic when writing his demented 30-second satires of The Sopranos, Eminem, The Blair Witch Project, Subway's Jared and so forth.

Unfortunately, our two favorite spots aren't archived. The runner-up is a goof on the old Sleep Country USA ads: the bald, goateed, hairy-chested Thielke appears in drag, luxuriating on a bed á la "Mattress Queen" Sunny Kobe Cook. And, in his pièce de resistance, Thielke simultaneously plays the "differently abled" protagonists of Rain Man, Sling Blade, and Forrest Gump . This classic spot harks back to the old SNL skits, in which Tonto, Tarzan and Frankenstein mumble out such tunes as "We Are World."

The current ad is a relatively uninspired send-up of a certain anti-depressant, but not to worry -- Thielke and Fonk seem to have a new one every month or so, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, remember to honk when -- well, you know the rest.